Advice for Married Couples

First let me say that I am not married. I have no clue how to keep a marriage going because I’ve never had to. I don’t know how to forgive and move forward with someone after you’ve been hurt deeper than you could ever imagine. I don’t know how to get a marriage back on track after the kids have left the nest. I don’t know how to put SPICE back into a relationship when you’ve become bored with each other and life has become a series of routines. But, I do have some advice as to how to have a successful marriage. One might ask, “How can you be giving advice?” Well, let me tell you. I desire marriage. I desire a long lasting, joyful, commitment with someone and I believe it will happen, so I’ve been preparing for years. How? By studying, observing, and questioning happily married couples. Now, no offense to those who have been married five years or less, but you’re still considered “new” so I’ haven’t been asking you anything. Enjoy yourselves. I’m speaking of the 13, 20, 45, and 50 year married couples. I’ve been looking at YOU! I’ve decided to post the responses given to me because in an age where marriage seems less popular than long time partnership, or when it seems like it’s just “something to try”, I believe people are looking for real answers as to how to have something that seems almost a thing of the past. I’ve wanted to know how couples have kept it fresh and for once it was nice to hear some answers with explanations. Sometimes when people give advice, they give something simple like: “Keep the lines of communication open.” But, does anyone who has communication problems really know what that means? Or how about “Keep God in your relationship.” Although good advice, many Christian couples are getting divorced. I have a hard time believing that none of them kept God in their lives. So these answers that I’m posting from couples come with explanation. Hope they help and offer enlightenment.

1.Keep God first- This means individually and collectively and it has to do with every aspect of your life, not just Sunday service. Apparently, when couples bring their own relationships with God together, share with each other, pray together, attend church together, and read the bible for guidance, things are easier. Notice I didn’t say EASY. Putting God first is also tough because it means that instead of yelling at your husband or wife when you’re angry, you go to God first, tell Him the problem, and pray to let Him solve it. We’ve all heard the saying “Let the Lord fight your battle.” Well, do it and trust Him to do it. You ask God to bless your marriage on your wedding day, so why not ask Him to keep it going?
2.Communicate and be friends- I had to combine these because you can’t have one without the other. Women like to talk, we all know this. Husbands, understand this point, your wife sees you as her friend, not just her husband. You know what that means? They want to tell you everything! They want you to know what’s going on, how it happened, and what it meant to them. There’s a reason why they don’t call their girlfriends when something happens. The day you married them, you became the new best friend, so naturally your wives want to talk to you. Men, as much as you may hate it, trust me…the day your wife doesn’t talk to you is the day you need to worry! The reason these two go together is because if men truly begin to see their wives as their best friends, the ones who are there for them no matter what, the ones they can rely on and be normal around, then men will open up more. Husbands, your wives are your best friends. So treat them as such.
3.Say what you want- Now obviously this advice came from husbands. Okay ladies, t.v. has duped us into thinking that if a man really loves us, then he will know what is wanted at all times. NOT TRUE! That’s t.v. land, not real life. Women are complex creatures and as Raymond Barone said in his sitcom “Your idea of romance keeps changing.” And it’s true. Is it romantic to get you flowers or to clean the house when you’re tired? If your man gets the wrong type of flowers, is he still romantic? Sometimes, husbands just can’t keep up with everything women want, and it’s not like the list is short. So wives, tell your husband what you want. Tell, don’t yell it at him. And I was told to throw this in- if you want it done at that moment, say it.
4.Strive to make each other happy- this was great advice given to me by a couple who seems to have gotten it right. It was explained that a marriage is about becoming one. That means you can no longer be selfish. If you want a happy home, husbands think about what would make your wives happy and feel loved. Then do it. Wives, vice versa. If your goal is to make each other happy, then disappointment is not lingering around. It doesn’t mean that every single need is met (that’s impossible), but you’ll be a happier couple than you were before.
5.Hang out with other happily married couples- this seems like such commonsense, but I guess it’s not. Other happily married couples can offer support and encouragement when you need it. Although single friends are great, sometimes they can be so objective that they forget you’re in a committed relationship. “DUMP HIM/HER” is not always the best answer.
6.Don’t ignore problems- this one is pretty self explanatory. Problems are problems no matter where they are. Either you address them now or later when they’ve grown into an avalanche. During this time, stay close to rule #1.
7.Don’t sweat the small stuff- I definitely had to ask what was meant by small stuff and mostly wives answered this one. Small stuff is him leaving his clothes by the bed instead of putting them in the hamper. Yes, it’s annoying and you’re not his mother, but if he takes care of you, helps out in other areas, makes you feel loved, and is an all around good husband, are the clothes really a deal breaker? What qualifies as “small stuff” is the annoying things that at the moment bother you, but at the end of the day, really don’t change the scope of your marriage or make you want to run screaming bloody murder. You make your own list.

Now, these are the big ones I’ve gotten so far. I’m still observing and questioning, so don’t think this is the end. But it’s a nice start! Thank you to the couples who offered great advice. Here’s to another road trip!