And There's Always More...

How do I express what I’m really feeling on paper? How do I show what’s really inside of me to others and who do I show it to? These are difficult questions if you’re a guarded person. I’m realizing…well not realizing because it’s always been there. It’s just that there’s a very artistic side of me that’s been buried my entire life. Let me explain, it was there when I was younger, but subconsciously, I began hiding it years ago and now it only comes out in my dreams or when I’m daydreaming. I miss it. I long for it. I long for that part of me that’s completely expressive and not confined to the rights and wrongs of society. You know, “Don’t do this. Act this way. Sit that way. Don’t say that!” So what happens when that hidden part tries to find a way out? How long can a person hold their true selves in? Is it possible to go a lifetime doing everything except what you were meant to do?

I’m figuring out the answer for my life right now. As I said before, this is a year of exploration for me and among other things, what I’ve learned is that I almost lost a special part of myself that I didn’t know was special. I didn’t know that some of the things I did or some of my interests were great and unique because they were mine. So now I’m trying to find them again. Well, not really “find”, but reconnect with those lost interests of mine. But like I said, they’ve been hidden for so long it’s almost like I have to relearn what I already love. I will conquer this hurdle though. It’s amazing what comes to mind when there’s silence!